7. (The Tortoise)

Wendell was a tortoise who had, for fifty-four years, lived with the Greenbergs in their Upper East Side apartment. Eugene Greenberg had bought the tortoise, then only five inches from tail to end, in 1949 at a pet store in Brooklyn, and it had outlived both Eugene and his son, and now resided with Eugene's grandson, David Greenberg.

On this particular day, David woke up late in the morning, with hangover from the previous evening's activity. Wendell, secure in a small pen off in the corner of the apartment, gazed lazily from the lettuce he was pecking-at to observe the motions of David as he climbed out of bed and gazed around the room. David looked in Wendell's direction for a few moments, then looked on into the next room, where the cabinet was. Wendell's gaze was similarly fixed on David for a moment, then returned to the lettuce it was slowly chewing.

David went about his day, running off to his job teaching as an adjunct professor at Hunter College, eating a bagel with roast beef for lunch, sipping coffee from a thermos. It was later in the evening, when he came home to find Wendell's pen empty, with a small white note in black scribbles lying in its center, that his day began to pick up speed.

The note read:

We have Wendell.
WE HAVE WENDELL.
And we will do anything.
ANYTHING.
To make you pay.

Things that I did today simply because I could:

1. Ate one pint of Butter Pecan Tofutti.
2. Smoked a cigarette while reading at my desk.
3. Walked back from 30th and 7th to Greenwich and Barrow.
4. Blasted Emperor Tomato Ketchup by Stereolab at ungodly levels.
5. Showered thrice.
6. Wrote a song, and declared I would forget it.

6. (Quiz)

1. If four newborn babies are placed in a row, and the one on the left rolls over, it will disturb...
a) The baby adjacent to him only
b) All of the other babies
c) None of the other babies

2. If four elephants stand on the edge of a great pond, will the elephant on the left wait while the other three try to cross, or will he plunge into the icy water despite his fear of drowning?
a) Yes
b) No
c) No

3. If four vials of pink liquid are sitting side by side in a display case in a store in Soho, which will be the most expensive?
a) The one with the most liquid inside
b) The one with the least liquid inside
c) [Assuming the vials have a roughly equal amount of liquid] The one nearest extinction

4. If four questions are asked one after another, to nobody in particular, a person will NOT feel a compulsion to answer them because...
a) Questions that are asked of nobody in particular are equivelent to questions that were never asked
b) Persons that happen across questions not aimed directly at them will tend to cede responsibility for said questions
c) Questions without persons to answer them are equivelent to questions without answers, and questions without answers are not worth asking

5. If four identical toothbrushes are sitting in a line by your bathroom sink, which one will you use?

I am working hard to support an eventually rock and roll lifestyle

I peer around nervously. I sniff left, sniff right. Where is she? What the fuck? It's almost two o'clock and I still haven't eaten and she told me that she had a tip on a homeless man scattering bread somewhere between B and C. Why the hell are those homeless guys always giving away bread anyways? You'd think they'd want it for themselves, seeing as they are homeless. Goddamn. Shit! I shift my paws nervously, peering up at the park bench in front of me. Those other guys are gonna get to that bread first if she doesn't come back soon. Christ, I'm so hungry. It's October 3rd and it's' still 75 degrees outside. The heat irritates me, makes my muscles antsy, scratches at my spine, makes me shit all the time, makes me ANGRY. And HUNGRY! What if she got hit by a car? Jesus Christ, what if she's dead? Avenue B is usually safe but it's always possible. People never look carefully enough and people really don't care about me or about her. Goddamnit. Others are probably enjoying that feast already. It's probably all gone. Fuck them. I'm so hungry...

-J

2b.

H. lay awake on the sofabed, listening to footsteps pattering in the next room. It was eleven-thirty at night. He reached for his glasses, which lay on the floor next to the arm of the sofabed, and balanced them on the bridge of his nose before sitting upright, blinking a few times, and sleepily sighing. The pattering continued, and now that he concentrated he could hear drifts of what sounded like Mozart coming faintly through the walls.

He stood up and walked to the door of L.'s bedroom. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" he asked in a low voice through the door. There was no answer, and he knocked softly.

The door opened three inches and L.'s face peered through, strands of straight brown hair falling over her eyes, and her breath slightly quicker than normal. "Yes?" she asked.

"Aren't you tired?" H. asked.

"I'm learning to waltz," L. responded, clumsily brushing hair away from her nose and mouth.

"Can't you do that in the morning?"

"I'm afraid not." The door shut suddenly, and after a few moments the Mozart and the pattering resumed. H. sat at the dining room table and opened the copy of The Metamorphosis that sat in the circular glow of the light from the lamp.

5.

In the Post Office.

A: We've been waiting forever. When will this line move?

B: Be patient, sweetie. Look, they just opened another window.

Later, in the Chinese Food restaurant.

B: I don't know, it was a long time ago, in the college radio station. He was sitting on a stool in the record storage room, and I was carrying a stack of records, and he looked at me and said 'so, brushing up on your jazz?'

A: What was he like back then?

B: He was very shy, just like you. And... skinny. I don't know. I guess you wouldn't think of him that way, would you?

Later, in the Subway.

B: You should know this by now. We've taken this train a hundred times, honey.

A: Yeah, but I just want to make sure for when school starts.

B: Are you getting excited?

A: A little. But Zach and Emmy won't even be there, so I'll only know like four kids.

B: Well you'll just have to try and make new friends. It's hard, but... you'll manage.